I’m sorry, I can’t help you.

Throughout my life, I’ve been the advice friend. The person you seek when you’re looking for a reality check, or you need someone to put you in your place. I’m basically the friend who isn’t going to say what you want to hear, but rather what you need to hear. 

Unfortunately for me, that means I’m usually exerting more energy into everyone else’s problems than my own. Perhaps I do this for one of two reasons: I find whatever obstacles  I may be facing as too difficult to want to make any attempts towards a resolution, or I take pride in being the unlicensed therapist for those in my life. It’s likely that both of these reasons play a factor in my quest to fix everyone else’s lives but my own.

I’m basically the friend who isn’t going to say what you want to hear, but rather what you need to hear. 

Eventually, I started to notice the lack of attention towards my priorities had begun to have adverse affects on my life. I am usually anxious once the tasks begin to pile up, and do all that I can to avoid confronting them. It isn’t until the pressure or stress has built to the point of near combustion that I make a genuinely focused attempt at tackling these tasks. For example: the bills have been neglected long enough, the islands of clothing scattered across the room aren’t going to pick themselves up, and you still need a real job, etc. are all conscious thoughts that flow through my mind on a daily basis. But until the day comes where it all seems too overwhelming, I am more than welcoming of distractions. 

I am usually anxious once the tasks begin to pile up, and do all that I can to avoid confronting them.

Something that I’ve learned from being in a long term relationship (as well as some shit friendships) is that you have every opportunity to learn about yourself. My initial thought is that by helping others, I can learn something knew about other perspectives and in turn, learn something about myself. Although that’s true, it can still be a draining experience.

 The Telling Signs That You’re Doing Too Much

Reaching out to your friends for a nice vent is nothing short of cathartic, but if you’re somewhat empathetic and on the receiving end, then the frustration or stress that your friend is carrying does transfer. Now all of a sudden you’re heated for some reason that has nothing to do with you, and you find yourself racking your brain for any means of a solution. You then offer that solution up as an option for your friend to move forward. 

The perfect scenario would be offering some guidance, the person takes it and actually follows through. If the result of that is absolutely horrible, then that’s on you, but now you know you probably aren’t warranted to give the advice you gave. If everything works out exactly as planned then hey, there’s the validation you and your judgment needed and your friend has built more trust in your problem solving abilities.

Sadly, not everyone wants to be helped, and not everyone is willing to accept the advice that’s been given. If a constant back and forth is at play with no progress to show from it, that is a clear sign that whatever you have to say has fallen on deaf ears.

There may be more of a complexity involved. Whoever you’re helping may genuinely agree with what you’re saying, but have the pride and confidence to see if they can handle it on their own—which is their right. The only relevant downside is if their judgement has been proven to lead them into self destructive situations in the past, and they have made it a habit to run to you in hopes of a resolution. If this is the case, that is another giveaway that you’re probably exerting more energy into this person and their issues than necessary. You may also be enabling their habit of relying on others to solve their problems for them.

Their actions following your diagnosis (ha therapist , remember?) could range from agreeing and accepting that advice—ultimately trusting your judgment as being better than theirs and move on, they could listen but not acknowledge the approach you’re taking in disagreement, or they will just hear you and do the exact opposite. None of these reactions are bad considering it isn’t your life, and it isn’t your business. The common denominator in these scenarios are that the chances of your friends asking for repeat service are high. Now, unless you had given some really shit advice in the past and they haven’t even attempted to reach out about their issues then this isn’t about you. This is for those who feel as if they’re constantly giving and leave their own needs neglected–that feel as if they listen to everyone else, but have no one to listen to them.

Being the unlicensed therapist is draining. Try to recognize that it’s okay to take a step back and say you cannot help. It’s not that you’re incapable of helping or that they’re incapable of receiving help—the timing might just be off. For the sake of my mental health, I had to re-prioritize what I was going to emotionally invest myself into. The frustration of witnessing someone you care about self sabotage whilst confiding in you constantly is in no way beneficial for anyone. 

Not everyone wants to be helped, and not everyone is willing to accept the advice that’s been given.

Frankly, you can’t help anyone if you can’t help yourself. If you find yourself in the position of constantly giving but haven’t seen the effort reciprocated, give yourself the permission to let it go, allow them to learn in their own time, and take care of yourself. There are people who do want to reciprocate the amount of energy you give to others, and sometimes it requires disconnecting from the ones that drain you to find them.

I’m not saying to burn any bridges, but maybe building a little draw bridge won’t hurt. Everyone needs space after awhile, and if you can’t help yourself, how in the are you gon help anyone else?! 

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I'm officially a Poster Girl

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Before I jump into how amazing this brand is alongside with the quality of their clothing, I need to express HOW GASSED UP I AM OVER MYSELF.

A few weeks back I had gotten contacted by the lovely ladies behind Poster Girl to come stop by their studio in London for a quick shoot and I was able to check out their newest collection that'll be released during LFW A/W '17. 

I cannot begin to describe how sexy these pieces made me feel, and it was an instant confidence boost. When you hear someone that is consistently divulged in the world of fashion state how clothing has the ability to change your personality, mood, perspective, etc it's a true statement. Poster Girl is definitely one of those brands that forces you to see the best version of yourself once you put them on.

I am one of the biggest homebodies, and upon trying on the first dress, I immediately experienced the need to show everyone how good I felt let alone how good I looked. The chainmail detail added a slinky texture that had me feeling myself to the fullest, and although the clothing looks skin tight, it's actually very flexible and perfect for a night out because of that. 

THIS WAS JUST ONE OUTFIT TOO, Y'ALL!

I could go on all day about how beautiful this brand is, and I didn't even mention the fact that the ladies behind Poster Girl, Frankie and Tash, are just as beautiful as well as genuine down-to-earth women. They made me feel extremely welcome, and there is something about women supporting women that is very uplifting and refreshing.

Do yourself a favour and make sure you keep an eye out for their newest collection, and in the mean time grab something off their website whilst you wait xx

POSTER-GIRL.COM ||

IG @POSTER__GIRL__OFFICIAL

 

Leather Bound

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YA'LL ALREADY KNO HOW I FEEL ABOUT ALL BLACK SO I HAD TO, I APOLOGISE FOR STAYING IN MY USUAL BOUNDARIES THIS TIME AROUND. 

Okay, now that the apology is out of the way, I was so hyped about wearing this look for the shoot. I purchased this black mesh top from Missguided. It was only £8 so I said "fuck yes, thank you," and grabbed that ho real quick. 

It's super comfortable, very flowy, and perfect for festival season. When I was in LA, I didn't care about standing out because chances were that I looked normal in comparison to the tweaker on train, and no one would care about my appearance. Now that I'm in London, I don't know if it's because there aren't TONS of girls who look like me (unlike Los Angeles) or if it's because I tend to make versatile outfit choices depending on my mood but I started to go back into a safe space with my clothing to repel the odds of someone staring at me grudgingly. Lately, I've forced myself to do my usual and just go for what I'm feeling at the time, not how I'll feel about people's reactions once I leave the house. 

Needless to say pairing a black mesh top with an embroidered bralette was a rather bold move on my end. The bralette is from Primark, and unfortunately I cannot find it online, but I did find quite a few dupes considering embroidery is becoming one of the latest trends. It's a racerback bra, so it can be a little tricky to put on, but not impossible. I really wanted a bralette that wasn't too flashy, but not plain which is what I would've done normally. Also, don't worry about your nipples showing cause the embroidery covers that for you. *pun intended

I added the leather skirt because I like the concept of a skirt, not necessarily wearing it. This asymmetrical skirt is from Aliexpress, and it was somewhere between $7-$10. I got it in a size S, and should've probably gotten it in a size bigger. My legs are longer than I think they are and any sudden movements means my goodies are on parade. Otherwise, I'd probably wear this skirt more often.

To tie in the look, I wore my signature Target black booties that I wear all most every day. They're all types of worn out, but they could be in worse condition.

Anyone who knows me knows how stingy I can be when it comes to spending on shoes. Every time I do buy a pair, they are typically black boots. I'd prefer comfort and versatility over aesthetic any day....for now.
 

The booties were £30/$37 and in a US 8.5. They are probably one of the most comfortable pairs of booties I have ever owned. I can pair them with any outfit, any occasion, and they only hurt my feet after walking around for at least 6 hours. I'd say they're worth it entirely. Plus I love how they look like they're just lace up, but the zipper detailing isn't just for show, it actually unzips, and I am so very grateful.


On the Fringe

I'm always trying to think out of my usual comfort zone, especially creatively. I can only hope it reflects in my outfit choices as well. 

I chose to pair a typical outfit I'd wear (basic top and dark jeans) with this fringe shawl(?)*

*I mean, I would normally say it's a kimono, but it isn't really a kimono. There's more fringe than fabric honestly. Fuck it, let's say it's a kimono. 

The kimono is super light, very perfect for the summer. Fringe pieces can always get a little hectic when you wear them, so I advise you are cautious with accessorising. I did find myself adjusting it all the time, which is usual for me considering I always end up wearing a bag that gets in the way.

I was gifted the kimono by my sister (thanks sissy) and didn't have the chance to wear it. Luckily the weather in London did a mad switch up (global warming is real, ya'll) and got warm enough for me to use it on this shoot. It's a size XS/S from Urban Outfitters and the brand is Pins & Needles.

I've had this top for a while now from Forever21. It's perfect for basically any occasion considering the light fabric, and neutral colour. The one I bought is a size S, and luckily if you're on the flatter side (chest-wise) there are adjustable straps. *Win*

These basic ripped black skinny jeans are from Pull & Bear. They're a size 4 (US) and are super comfortable. But like most skinny jeans, they aren't made for someone with an ass and end up being tighter around the waist. I'd aim for a size up next time. Otherwise, they're the perfect jean considering you can wear it with basically anything.

I can't find any of these exact items online, but I have found similar ones and around the same price range. 


SHOP THE LOOK

Kimono // Tank Top // Black Skinny Jeans

Denim on Denim all Day

Shot by Elias Fersan in London, UK
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I've been trying to grow out of my "all black is better for my wardrobe" phase. I have tons of colourful pieces in my closet, most of which I have outgrown either literally or just sense of style. 

I am definitely the type of person who has piles of clothes on the floor, piles in the closet, a dresser that is slightly filled (due to the piles elsewhere), and a full laundry hamper then proceed to wake up the next morning and say there is nothing to wear.

all of which need to be sorted and sold and it will happen in the not too distant future.

Anyways, since discount shopping is always relevant in my mind, I fell in love with Primark instantly. They are the Targets of Europe (for basically everything except most necessities, groceries, appliances, etc you get it). Regardless, the same Target theory applies. You go in for a single ¡tem and leave having spent £200 with at least two dumbbells for shopping bags having justified the purchases. 

I usually style myself for most of my shoots, and it allows me to break out of my comfort zone. If I usually wouldn't wear a piece publicly, I wear it for a shoot (most of the time it is on location and someone will see me wearing it) and that gives me the confidence to wear it again on a normal day.

With this look,  I had this denim skirt already. I believe it's from Topshop and the brand is WYLDR. It's a size 8 and a tad too big, so it's been slowly rotating out of my daily options. Otherwise, it's very comfortable, flattering, and no fuss. Unfortunately I can't find it online, but there are TONS of dupes.

The 'bardot' style top is everywhere, and I love the idea of it. I like having my shoulders and collar bone exposed. I feel like it elongates your neck, and makes you appear taller. The only downside is that if you hate wearing real bras like myself, whether it is strapless or adhesive, you risk the wind blowing and showing all of your bits to the world. That goes without saying whether or not you're wearing a bra. I also found that lifting my arms was not an option as long as I wanted the top to be off the shoulders, plus it would risk me showing off my bits. 

If you asked me to wear slides and socks in 2013, I would laugh hysterically in your face and call you insane. Good thing it's 2017. 

I don't even know where these socks are from (probably H&M), but I love the lace detail on the top, and grey goes with everything. The slides are from Primark's Beach & Swimwear collection. I wanted sandals to wear from the gym to the spa to home without being too extra or spending too much. Just like most items at Primark, it was highly inexpensive and worthy of the dupe. I can't find those ones online either, but they do have a light pink ones in stock.

You definitely don't have to pair this Canadian suit with the same shoe choice. I'd also go for black booties (which is highly typical of me).


 

Shop the Look

Bardot Top  //  Slides (Pink)  //